Horrible Holiday Cheer
by StardustSage
Summary: Call it a Xmas countdown romance Zimapalooza, I'm submitting one drabble a day until the 25th. ZADR! RAPR! GAGR! More may follow. Yes, I know, Im a loser. 6 Days left! Bug me about not finishing this.
1. Candy Canes

**On the first day of Xmas, an Irken gave to me...  
**  
Dib hated the holidays. 

It wasn't just that whole Santa fiasco that managed to earn him a beating every year, oh no. No, what Dib hated the most about the holidays was the love.

Dib was a normal human being like everyone else. He knew he was supposed to cherish the holiday. A time of peace, love, good will.

Bah, humbug. Every year it was the same; someone would bring up the Santa thing and then he would get mobbed. Everyone seemed to forget about peace on earth when there was a crazy boy to beat. He had simply learned to endure it, but it made him bitter around the holidays. Especially since his father was never home. Gaz was a stuck up brat as always, but now that she was older, she would most likely spend her holiday at the mall, shoplifting.

Dib sighed into his palm. It wouldn't be long before he was covered in bruises and left to suffer. What a way to start the new year.

Around him, the students were walking around passing out Holiday Wishes, much to Ms. Bitters loathing. It was another measure by the school board to decrease misery. It did nothing for Dib. No one gave him anything but punches and kicks for X-mas.

"Be honored."

A sudden, short sentance snapped him out of his thoughts. Zim had his back turned to him, and was slowly walking away, back to his desk. He almost looked like he wanted to turn around to observe the boys reaction. Dib looked down at his own desk. What on earth was Zim-

Oh.

A candy-cane.

On Dib's desk.

Dib picked it up, glancing over at Zim who was now in his seat and looking back. Dib blinked, with an 'is this for me?' motion. The Irken replied with a roll of the eyes and a look that said 'duh'.

Throwing a thankful glance Zim's way, he unwrapped and began to enjoy his treat. Idily rummaging through his back pack, he pulled out an identical treat. He kept it concealed in his hand until everyone else had left. The other kids made sure to dump one garbage can on Dib and the other on Zim on their way out.

Sighing and ruffling the mess out of his hair, Dib made his way over to Zim, who was having a small freak out at all the germs. "Hey."

Zim looked up at him abruptly. "Hey," he answered cautiously.

Dib placed the wrapped candy cane on his desk. "Here," he said simply. This seemed to be a day for monosyllabic conversations.

Zim picked it up, examined it, and then looked at Dib with an uncanny expression. It almost looked like a smile, hidden under a look of disgust. To avoid any firther awkwardness, Dib walked out the door with a "Thanks."

* * *

_A/N: Call it a '12 days of Xmas LURVE' special or what have you, I'll be submitting something IZ Romance Related every day 'til Xmas. NOt all of them will be ZADR, but knowing me? A good chunk will be._

_This one is late. x.x_


	2. Agreement

What a way to start break. 

Dib sighed and trudged along, dragging his beaten and bruised self throug the sidewalk. His glasses were now broken, which meant he was having trouble seeing if we was walking home the right way.

Suddenly a voice came from behind him. "Need a ride, pitiful Dib-stink?"

Dib turned, knowing exactly who it would be. The mass of green behind him gasped audibly and seemed to drop. Because he was floating on a mass of humming... dog. With rockets. Dib blinked and gave him a disbeliveing look. Which hurt. A lot.

"What on Irk happened to you?" asked Zim.

"People are stupid." It was a true enough answer. Everything that had happened to him in his entire life could be explained this way.

Zim was clearly not satisfied. "Get on, stoopid hyuuman. You will explain yourself on the way."

Dib did as he was told, to worn out to care that this might be a trap. When Dib's tale was finally done, Zim looked infuriated. "Unacceptable. You will be spending the holidays with me as your person body guard. And as payment, you will teach me more about your filthy earth customs."

Dib raised an eyebrow. Which, again, stung like you wouldn't believe. "Why would _you_ make a deal with _me_?"

"Curiosity."

And with that, Zim pecked him on the cheek.

Dib gave him a horrified stare. "Don't your people always seal their deals with a kiss?" Zim asked, oblivious.

"N-no..." Dib's face had turned cherry tomato red. His hand moved up to the spot, and his only coherent thought was _'What in the heck?'_

"Oh." Zim seemed to dismiss this. Dib realized that they had arrived at his house. "I'll be back in an hour. Try anything until your filthy holidays are up and I empty your organs and fill them with slugs."

Dib agreed and then stepped off. All the while staring at Zim, he backed away slowly until he reached the door. Then he bolted inside.

What a way to start break indeed.


	3. Weapons of Mass Holidoom

"So this... menorah... is a seven way flamethrower?" 

"...No."

"And this... dreeeedle thing... is a weapon of some sort."

"No! Jeez, do you know anything about the holidays? At least tell me you know what mistletoe is!"

"A missle shot from ones toes?! That's disgusting! ...And _brilliant._" Zim rubbed his claws together, cackling evilly.

Dib just rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Zim, for the soldier of an 'advanced alien race', you sure are dumb!"

Zim scoffed, glaring at the boy. "They don't teach us these useless things in the armamda. Such information is unnecessary."

There was a pause, and then Zim asked, "But if the toes contain missles, don't the missles get all... ick?"

Dib slapped his palm to his forehead. "For heaven's sake, Zim! Mistletoe is a plant! It's what people kiss under around the holidays." He sat back down on the couch, scattering the various props Zim had allowed into the base for an explanation of the 'feelthy hyuuman holleedaze'. Zim looked confused.

"To seal holiday contracts?"

Dib buried his head in his hands. "Why me?"

Suddenly, high pitched giggles were heard from above. "Lookeet theees!" screeched the robot, aving around a sprig of something green above his head. They looked up at the same time, but Dib recognized the mistletoe in Gir's claw first.

"Ohhhh no. Don't you even think about it, there's no way I'm-"

"Show me this human custom or you'll get your spleen back pureed in a sandwich bag."

Dib eeped and reluctantly leaned in. Blush was evident on his face. He wasn't sure if the threat of loosing an organ was worth this. Kissing an alien. His enemy.

Oh what the heck. Zim kissed him quickly, before he had the chance to run. Dib's skin crawled, but he wasn't sure if it was entirely unpleasant. "Your face is turning colors, Dib-thing."

"Shut up."

Gir giggled.


	4. Interruptions

"My Tallest!" Zim saluted. 

The two leaders groaned, sitting up. Red was on top of purple, straddling him as best he could with their armor in the way. "What is it _now_, Zim? Can't you see we were in the middle of something?"

Yes, as a matter of fact, Zim could. Their faces had changed colors just as the Dib's had earlier. "Well, my Tallest, I just wanted to let you know that I was mistaken about the lip-pressing earlier."

The Tallest exchanged glances. "And?" prompted Red.

"They don't use it for establishing agreements. They use it mainly for ritual."

Purple raised a skeptical eyebrow. "What kind of ritual?"

"I think it's some kind of pleasure ritual... I will find out right away, my Tallest! Invader Zim, out!"

Red and purple looked at each other again. "I... guess we don't have to-" Purple was silenced by Red mashing their lips again. He happily kissed back.

"Zim's probably wrong anyway," said Red. Purple quickly agreed.

---

"My Ta-" Zim gave a tiny eep. Red and Purple were still on the chouch but... oh Irk, he had never seen two mouths doing THAT. And they way there were stroking each other's armor, it was... disgusting? No, not quite. Delicious. Ah, much better.

The technitions had all moved away, slightly disturbed and slightly horrified, but nonetheless completing their tasks. Zim cleared his throat. They paid no mind. He did it again. The techs obviously didn't want to interrupt.

"MY TALLEST!"

Red and Purple fell and lay sprawled on the floor. "ZIM!" Red roared, "What is it now?!"

"I researched," he grinned like a five year old with a fingerpainting to show mommy and daddy.

Red inquired crossly, "And?"

"It's a pleasure ritual, apparently."

Purple rolled his eyes. "Could have told you that."

"Actually, there's something similar, making out? I belive that's what you two were just-"

"Are you done?!" snapped Red.

"Yes, my Tallest!" he saluted. "Invader Zim, out!"

The screen went blank, and Red gritted his teeth. Purple, however, lazily rested his head in the others lap. "You're... what's the word, cyoot? Cyoot when you're mad," Purple grinned. Red looked down with a softened expression, and then kissed him again.

Althought Irkens had no God or religion, the Technitions were practically praying for their break to start. It was bad enough seeing it, but the noises... Several of them hoped that Purple would throw them out the airlock for fun sometime soon. But in vain, because Red was going to make sure Purple couldn't go anywhere for a _long_ while.


	5. Bringer of Holiday Cheer

The youngest of the membrane siblings tried to keep to herself, for the most part. Around the holidays she would spend most of her time at the mall, but it was only so she could hide in the back corner in the arcade and play her Gameslave. Gaz wasn't a social creature. Which is why it confused her to no end when she recieved a red and green striped box, filled with candy and shaped like a heart.

Well, recieved was a rather gentle tern for it. It was more of a sudden pain in the head, followed by a confused look to the now-broken window, and followed by even more confusion as she saw no one.

However, Gaz wasn't one to complain, and so she sat in the living room the next day, wrapped in a black blanket and eating chocolate, ignoring the storm outside. Dib had obviously been trapped at Zims. She vaugely remembered him saying that they were spending break together for some rediculous reason or another. But she didn't care. She had chocolate and warmth and her Gameslave.

"Theerrrss luuuuv in the aiiiir," sing-songed a certain robot, loud and high pitched enough to be heard over the gusting wind. It appeared to be coming from the front step, as it was followed by a deranged rapid-fire of doorbell ringing.

Gaz growled. "Dib, if this is another one of your stupid things, I swear..." She set her things down, which was a wise thing to do, and answered the door.

"HIIII GAZZUMS!"

She ws suddenly tackled by a rocket powered green god with a sprig of mistletoe in his mouth. The door miraculously shut behind him, and he clung triumphant to a speechless Gaz.

Her speechlessness did not last long, however. "WHAT do you think you are DOING?!" She tried to pry him off, but to no avail.

"I wanted to spread the holiday lurrvvve! Everybody's doin' it!" he cheered. Gaz flinched.

"Great, now can I get back to my game?"

Gir gave a giggle, a cross between 'I know something that you dont know' and a bashful 'you're cyuuuute'. Gaz just stared. He grinned, whispereing slyly, "Not until you do the smoochie with meee... UNDER THE MISSLE TOES!" He whipped it out from behind his back, holding it abover her head.

Had she not been on her back already, she would have fallen over. "EXCUSE ME?! I'm not kissing YOU!"

Sitting on her tummy and quivering his lip, Gir gave his best pout. Gaz just scoffed, looking away.

He began to wail hopelessly, staining the front of her shirt with robotic... tears. Because he could somehow do that. Paniced, she responed with a quick, "Alright, alirght! Stop that noise!"

"Yaaaaay!" he cheered, suddenly full of pep again. He puckered his lips and giggled.

Gaz sighed. The robot had kissed her before, no big deal... yeah, whatever. He was just a silly robot with a crush, right?

She placed a quick peck to his lips, and he shot up like a... well, like a rocket. After about twelve loops in the air, he burst out the door, screaming joyously into the snow, which had settled down a bit.

She looked down in her lap. He had left the mistletoe. Getting a devillishly fun idea, she got up and found her thumbtacks.

When she was done, she cuddles under the covers on the couch again, chowing down chocolate and button mashing with a grin. In the doorframe hung a single sprig of mistletoe, just waiting for her borther and the alien to come home.

Gaz may not have been the most social girl, but she knew how to have fun. 


	6. Hot Cocoa and Snuggles

Dib was not happy. 

Zim had decided to drag him to his base for a lesson on Holidays, and then a storm had showed up and they were trapped. Together. While Dib wouldn't normally mind being n the aliens base, Zim was acting... strangely, to say the least.

First, the candy cane. Then the kiss. Then the second kiss. Then the dissapearing, and now the offering of hot cocoa.

"Take it. It'll warm you up," Zim offered.

Dib simply clung to the blanket that Gir had provided before flying out the window again.. "I'm good, thanks. You probably spiked it anyway."

"There are no spikes in this hot chocolate. I made especially sure that it was pointy-object free!"

Dib slapped his palm to his face, _again_.

"You probably poisoned it," he tried again.

"Nope!" Zim grinned widely. "Now drink and make yourself warm!" He thrust the mug into Dib's hands and plopped down on the couch next to him, holding an identical mug. Dib let his suspicioun cool for a minute.

"...If this harms me... in ANY way..."

"Calm yourself. The only thing Zim put in your drink was mushy-mellohs."

Dib examined it- this appeared to be true. He sighed, "Well alright, bottoms up," and then chugged about half the mug in one gulp.

It was surprisingly tangy.

But in a good way.

"Thith ith pretty good, Zim. Thanks," he said, blowing on the remainder of his liquid to cool it somewhat. He had scalded his tounge.

"Make no mention of it." Zim leaned over on him, resting his head on the boys shoulder. Dib wanted to scoot away, embarrassed and just a bit creeped out, but stayed put. He continued to blow on his cocoa.

"Burn your tounge?" grinned Zim.

"Shut up..." he mumbled, looking away and blushing for reasons he didn't fully understand.

Zim just continued to grin, sipping some of his. "Well don't worry. This stuff burns Zim's tounge a bit too."

"Well then why drink it?" Dib asked, turning to him with furrowed eyebrows. Just the slightest bit of concern showed in his expression.

"Because it's delicious."

Dib rolled his eyes. "Whatever..." Zim continued to lean against him, finishing his drink.

Eventually, the Invader got cold because of the holes Gir had left. "Dib...?" he started out, and then corrected himself. "Dib, I require use of your warmth device."

Dib stared at him. "You want under the blanket?" he asked flatly.

Without waiting for consent from Dib, Zim crawled under the covers and snuggled up to the toasty warm boy. Dib shivered, feeling the cold body up against his, but wrapped his arms around Zim, knowing they would both be warmer if they shared body heat.

Nope, this wasn't disturbing at all.

Dib tolerated it however, and even got comfortable enough when Zim warmed up to rest his head upon Zim's. In return Zim nuzzled him, trying to get into a comfortable postition for his antenna. They fell asleep under the covers this way, enemy cuddling against enemy.

When he came back, Gir even got a few pictures.


End file.
